May my leaves always be green . . .

It's been TOO long.

Long story short . . . since August, I've had a crazy school year. It's definitely been the most stressful by far. New job, many changes, crappy circumstances at work . . . but I think it's better now.

So, after several months of being rather depressed, I got to participate in an amazing weekend. Our church had a women's retreat in Canaan Valley (during a snow storm no less!). It was much needed on my part. And it exceeded my expectations.

All the women who attended were asked to think about one main point that we took away with us and what our action steps are. Since I wrote my thoughts down in my journal, I'm going to include what I wrote. What’s really cool to me is that my thoughts were reinforced by my quiet time this afternoon. I was reading Jeremiah, and I just have such a hard time getting anything out of much of the Old Testament. I was struggling for the first 20 minutes when I finally just said, “God, please! Speak to me.” And He did! The Scripture I read went right along with what I had learned this weekend and that’s how He spoke. So here goes:

Thoughts about the women's retreat . . .

Amazing!

I assumed it would be an uplifting weekend with an inspirational message. I did not expect to do some serious “soul searching.” It required work and lots of effort. I really had to search my heart.

And of course, as Jeremiah 17:9 says, the heart is basically impossible to understand. At first I had a difficult time searching my heart. It left me more confused. But, as verse 10 says (the very next verse), God can examine my heart. And that’s what He did for me. He examined my heart and revealed some simple truths . . .

One, my life is not my own. It’s not about me! When I give up control, I experience overwhelming freedom! And life. No, not life content or life comfortable, but life ABUNDANT.

The weekend was about focusing on ourselves. Pat Layton, the speaker, frequently told us to remind ourselves that the weekend was all about us. But, I believe that she meant for us to forget about our everyday lives—our husbands, children, jobs—and dig down deep into ourselves and into our past, allowing God to work through the “issues” that have caused our pain or struggles. And in doing so we find that life is actually NOT about us.

Again, it’s not about me! Jeremiah 17:6 describes how I’ve felt all school year. “Like a bush in the wastelands . . . not [seeing] prosperity when it comes . . . [dwelling] in parched places of the desert . . . in a salt land.” And as verse 5 points out, it’s because I depended on my own flesh for my strength.

But thanks be to God (as Paul would say), there is a solution! When I trust in the Lord and put my confidence in Him, I am like a tree planted by the water, I don’t fear when “heat” (or trials) come, my “leaves” are always green, and I never fail to bear fruit.

The problems I’ve experienced this year . . . no . . . the circumstances I’ve experienced this year became problems when I made them about me. Maybe I did cause some, but if I had the attitude “it’s not about me”, they would have not been magnified. That attitude is actually a way to say, “God, it’s in your hands. This is not MY life but YOUR life in me. May the way I respond to this circumstance further your kingdom, God, and draw others to you.”

I pray this attitude changes me. I don’t want to be presumptuous, but I believe it already has. Yes, it’s only been two days, but in those two days, I’ve experienced more life than I have all school year.

Thank you, oh Lord, for the mighty work you’ve begun in me, and may my leaves always be green.

“Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed;
Save me and I will be saved,
for you are the one I praise!”
-Jeremiah 17:14