One Year Down . . . 50 to Go!

That's what my mother-in-law wrote in the Happy Anniversary card. I read it and asked, "So what am I supposed to do if I'm 74 and still married to Dave?"

I love lists. I seem to always find a way to make a list; I make at least one a day. I thought about my first wedding anniversary and how it would be nice to have a list of various things about my first year: highlights, lessons learned, and goals. So here is what I came up with:

This year’s highlights:

•Our honeymoon
•Moving in together
•Valentine’s Day celebration with Kody and Rachael
•My learning to cook
•Buying our first car
•Dave’s trip to North Carolina
•Kristin’s trip to Virginia
•Summer trip to Gettysburg and our stay in the haunted house
•The seemingly never-ending house hunting
•Sponsoring Maxwel from Uganda
•Our first Christmas together
•Kristin’s trip to Chicago

What I have learned in the past year:

•Life doesn’t completely change after marriage. Many things stay the same. But life does become about the other person’s needs, which are to be placed above my own.
•Putting my husband’s needs before mine is not as easy as I thought it would be.
•I’m actually a quite selfish individual.
•Communication must be clear. I can’t expect my husband to read my mind. Men do not operate on subtleness, nor do they identify it. Just say what I’m thinking.
•Gentleness with words is necessary, yet it is surprisingly difficult to manage during times of high stress and anxiety. Tone of voice can send a stronger message than words. Gentle words speak love; ungentle the opposite.
•My words should always build my husband up; they should always encourage. Before speaking, I should ask if what I am going say will fulfill this purpose. If not, don’t speak.
•A wise friend told me to never slander my husband. I must not speak poorly of his character to others. I have found that thinking positively about Dave and speaking highly of him to others makes me more satisfied with him and causes my admiration for him to grow.
•Always say thank you. It doesn’t matter if it’s that person’s “job”, like sweeping the floor or taking out the trash. It’s the “thank yous” that keep the person wanting to help out in the future.
•I’m actually not that bad of a cook.
•Cooking a meal means more to him than just something to eat. It means I sacrificed my time to serve him. His gratefulness makes me want to do it again.
•Sex is a selfless act. Selfishness is what makes me “not in the mood”. It is my responsibility as a wife to meet his needs—even in the bedroom. (I was made aware of this concept long before I married. Marriage just made this truth a reality. The enemy really does work just as hard to keep married people apart as he does to bring two unmarried people together. So now when I am meeting those physical needs, I just think, “I’m doing this for the Lord!” Just kidding.)
•The hardest part about marriage is that everything I’m feeling affects my husband. Before, times of sulkiness and melancholy meant that I could lie around the house and have a pity party for myself. I don’t know what the solution to those feelings is yet, other than that I need to be joyful because God has called me to a life of joy.
•My husband cannot meet the needs that were intended for only God to meet. While my husband can build me up, ultimately my confidence and self-esteem come from my relationship with Christ.
•I have a difficult time being satisfied. I want a house, a better job, to travel—anything that brings excitement. I’m always looking forward to the next thing. With this outlook on life, I will lead a very unsatisfying existence. Life is about today. I must count my blessings.
•The fireworks and butterflies are long gone (even before we married). But my admiration for Dave continues to grow. My respect for him deepens. He has become my very best friend.

My goals for this coming year:

•Cook more.
Keep the house clean.
•Do not yell during disagreements.
•Wake up every morning asking myself, “How can I be the best wife possible?” I need to think “I want our marriage to be the best marriage in the history of the world.” (Read “The First 90 Days of Marriage” by Eric & Leslie Ludy.)