Recently, my aunt asked if she could have a copy of a paper I wrote in high school. She wanted the paper so she could share it with some people who she felt may benefit from reading it. For me, there were several things very special about this particular paper. First, it was written for my very first college writing course. Second, I received a 100 percent on it. Third, my instructor had only given a half dozen 100s in all his years of teaching. Even more significant was the actual content of the paper.
My senior year in high school was a very significant year for me. Most of you who know me have heard all about my background and growing up, so you understand when I say that I didn’t have the easiest childhood (although it was a very good one, thank God). The topic for this college assignment rested on this one question: What lesson do I need to learn before I can truly become an adult? Here was my chance to get a little personal.
I wrote that I needed to learn to forgive my mother for leaving when I was four years old. The paper went on to describe some of my experiences but was mostly about my feelings and attitudes I had toward my mother and myself as a result of those experiences. Fortunately, God blessed me with a great family and an amazing step-mom who became a real mom to me. Therefore, all through my years growing up, I thought I hadn’t been affected by those negative experiences in my early childhood. However, it was when I wrote that paper that I realized I really had been affected and that there were many underlying issues that had stemmed from my mother’s absence in my life.
And why am I writing a post about all this? I just thought it was interesting and very relieving to finally read that paper after five and a half years. Writing that paper required a great deal of effort, and it opened up my eyes to looking at things differently. But even since then, I’ve learned so much more and I now know I am completely over what happened when I was young.
It was really an e-mail I wrote to my aunt that I wanted to share: (And yes, I intended to just write a short post that had some of the thoughts from the e-mail, but I got a little lazy and have just decided to copy and paste it in.)
I just realized why it took me so long to send this paper. I really did have good intentions to get it to you as soon as possible. But I think I was subconsciously putting it off because I hadn't read the paper since around the time I wrote it. I was afraid it would bring back painful emotions. As I was typing it, I was surprised by how unaffected I was by it. Instead, I felt I was reading a paper written by someone else! I thought about how awful it would be to live with hurt and pain like that. In a way, it was refreshing to read. I realized how much I've changed since then. I no longer live with that pain! I think it was good to be reminded of that time. It made me think of a quote by the prominent Scottish minister Oswald Chambers that goes, "If human beings were not capable of depression, we would have no capacity for happiness and exaltation." I just thought I would share that quote because it's always meant a lot to me. Now I really understand what it means. (This e-mail would make a great blog post!)
By the way, this paper was written to finally admit that I needed to learn to forgive my mother. However, at the time the paper was written, I had not yet forgiven her. In fact, part of the paper says that if I could learn her reasons for doing what she did, I would learn to forgive her. The reality is, though, that I never did learn her reasons. I got no explanation from her. And I think many times in life, we will not know the reasons. I learned to forgive her anyway.
God is wonderful! He allowed these experiences to shape who I am. I don’t regret that any of that ever happened to me. I am very thankful for them. And again I think of the verse mentioned in the last post: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” –James 1:2-4
As I typed that verse, I finally understood the “consider it pure joy” part. I am actually joyful that those trials occurred. And it reminds me of another verse: “But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” -1 Peter 4:13. Of course that verse has much deeper meaning, especially since I have never suffered like Christ. But it reminded me of last week when I read that for our small group study. I paid close attention to this: “so that you may be overjoyed WHEN his glory is revealed.” We must persevere in our trials because I believe we realize God’s plan when the trial is over. The joy may not come in the midst of our trials (although we can still have joy in our salvation which cannot be taken away). We may experience the joy after we’ve persevered through a bad experience, which is when we understand God’s divine plan. And it’s our understanding of this divine plan that is actually God’s glory being revealed.
Okay, I’m done.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
A Lamp unto My Feet and a Light unto My Path
I mentioned in a previous post that I have taken up a new spiritual discipline of memorizing Scripture. I thought I should give a little update on the progress I’ve made. First, I thought the word “discipline” would best describe it. I believe some areas of my spiritual life will require much more effort and perseverance. In the past, memorizing Scripture was very much so a discipline that seemed more like rigorous training than pleasure or enjoyment. However, I gladly announce that memorizing Scripture has been a very exciting and fulfilling venture!
I also mentioned in a previous post my thoughts concerning craving God and craving His word. I decided to use my severe food cravings to teach me what the Bible means by craving God’s word. And boy, have I learned what craving God’s word is like! I firmly believe that the difference I’ve had with this memorization experience is that I continually pray about what I memorize. I’ve been praying that God gives me a strong desire to be in the Word and to grow close to Him. He has answered my prayers.
When I started, I decided that I would memorize one verse a month, since I had been overwhelmed with my goals in the past. After I learned the first verse, I wanted to learn more and more. I have not set a goal; I now just memorize new verses when I have completely memorized the others. I’ve even made flashcards that are colorful and laminated! I take these with me to work and practice them throughout the day. I practice saying the verses aloud in the shower, when I’m getting ready in the morning, in the car, and before I go to bed. I absolutely love saying my verses. I don’t know how to explain it. I almost feel like a little kid who gets excited about learning random facts that adults do not know. But there’s also something very powerful about having the very words of God engraved on my heart and branded on my mind.
I will admit that so far it has been rare that a specific situation has occurred in which I need a specific memorized verse. I know those times will come, and that is one reason why it is so important for Christians to memorize Scripture. But for now, the memorization has served to my benefit merely because it requires that my mind truly dwell on God’s word. Again, I can’t explain the experience in words. I can only say that there has already been a HUGE difference in my spiritual life due to my acquiring God’s words in my heart. Just let my experience be a testimony. I urge every Christian reading this to make the effort to memorize Scripture. Take the Bible seriously; treasure the very words of our Creator; equip yourself with the most precious tool.
I also want to add that I realize that there will be times when this new discipline really will feel like discipline. It will require much effort and perseverance. There comes a time when every spiritual discipline feels that way (prayer, Bible reading, attending church). However, I plan to press on so that I grow in my knowledge of Christ, and more importantly, in my relationship with Him as well as in my relationships with His children.
“Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” -James 1:4
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” -2 Timothy 3:16-17
“For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” -Hebrews 4:12
I also mentioned in a previous post my thoughts concerning craving God and craving His word. I decided to use my severe food cravings to teach me what the Bible means by craving God’s word. And boy, have I learned what craving God’s word is like! I firmly believe that the difference I’ve had with this memorization experience is that I continually pray about what I memorize. I’ve been praying that God gives me a strong desire to be in the Word and to grow close to Him. He has answered my prayers.
When I started, I decided that I would memorize one verse a month, since I had been overwhelmed with my goals in the past. After I learned the first verse, I wanted to learn more and more. I have not set a goal; I now just memorize new verses when I have completely memorized the others. I’ve even made flashcards that are colorful and laminated! I take these with me to work and practice them throughout the day. I practice saying the verses aloud in the shower, when I’m getting ready in the morning, in the car, and before I go to bed. I absolutely love saying my verses. I don’t know how to explain it. I almost feel like a little kid who gets excited about learning random facts that adults do not know. But there’s also something very powerful about having the very words of God engraved on my heart and branded on my mind.
I will admit that so far it has been rare that a specific situation has occurred in which I need a specific memorized verse. I know those times will come, and that is one reason why it is so important for Christians to memorize Scripture. But for now, the memorization has served to my benefit merely because it requires that my mind truly dwell on God’s word. Again, I can’t explain the experience in words. I can only say that there has already been a HUGE difference in my spiritual life due to my acquiring God’s words in my heart. Just let my experience be a testimony. I urge every Christian reading this to make the effort to memorize Scripture. Take the Bible seriously; treasure the very words of our Creator; equip yourself with the most precious tool.
I also want to add that I realize that there will be times when this new discipline really will feel like discipline. It will require much effort and perseverance. There comes a time when every spiritual discipline feels that way (prayer, Bible reading, attending church). However, I plan to press on so that I grow in my knowledge of Christ, and more importantly, in my relationship with Him as well as in my relationships with His children.
“Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” -James 1:4
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” -2 Timothy 3:16-17
“For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” -Hebrews 4:12
Thursday, May 14, 2009
An Introduction
(All direct quotes are in quotation marks. The rest is my personal notes based on Joshua Harris’ words.)
In Stop Dating the Church, Joshua Harris compares non-committal practice of attending church to dating. First, we think we find the perfect church. It’s great for awhile but eventually we lost that spark. We begin to notice its flaws. And when asked (or convicted) to be more committed or to serve, we get defensive and justify our lack of involvement by convincing ourselves that we have already given enough. We don’t actually want to commit.
[When I first began this book, I felt that I already understood the purpose of the church and that my responsibility is to serve the church as well as be totally committed. Therefore, I wondered if I really needed to read this book. I do understand these truths, but this book puts it into perspective and helps me to better explain it to someone else. I encourage every Christian—committed or not—to read this book.]
My notes as they are word for word in my journal:
•We like attending on weekends and we enjoy the social benefits. But we “don’t want the responsibility that [comes] with real commitment.”
•We “[flirt] with different churches and [keep] our options open.
Profile of a Church-Dater:
•Attitude toward church is “me-centered”. “We go for what we can get—social interaction, programs or activities. We think, ‘What can church do for me?’”
•Being independent. We go to church because we are supposed to but we don’t want to get too involved, especially with people. “We don’t pay attention to God’s larger purpose for us as a vital part in a specific church family.” We don’t invest ourselves.
•Being critical. “Short on allegiance and quick to find fault.” Always on the hunt for something better.
For Christians, church is not optional.
Paraphrase: God’s plan for the church is beautiful and God has given his people the power to fulfill that plan.
•“The plain fact is, when we resist passion and commitment in our relationship with the church, everyone gets cheated out of God’s best.
-You cheat yourself.
-You cheat a church community.
-You cheat your world.” (p.18)
•“As we become genuinely involved in the church’s work in the world, we put ourselves in the best possible place to allow God to do His work in us.” (p.21)
•Our view of the local church may be tainted by bad experiences we’ve had. This is why we MUST view the Church from God’s perspective.
•“Before any of us can understand how to relate to the church down the street, we need to see the Church as God sees it.” (p. 31)
In Stop Dating the Church, Joshua Harris compares non-committal practice of attending church to dating. First, we think we find the perfect church. It’s great for awhile but eventually we lost that spark. We begin to notice its flaws. And when asked (or convicted) to be more committed or to serve, we get defensive and justify our lack of involvement by convincing ourselves that we have already given enough. We don’t actually want to commit.
[When I first began this book, I felt that I already understood the purpose of the church and that my responsibility is to serve the church as well as be totally committed. Therefore, I wondered if I really needed to read this book. I do understand these truths, but this book puts it into perspective and helps me to better explain it to someone else. I encourage every Christian—committed or not—to read this book.]
My notes as they are word for word in my journal:
•We like attending on weekends and we enjoy the social benefits. But we “don’t want the responsibility that [comes] with real commitment.”
•We “[flirt] with different churches and [keep] our options open.
Profile of a Church-Dater:
•Attitude toward church is “me-centered”. “We go for what we can get—social interaction, programs or activities. We think, ‘What can church do for me?’”
•Being independent. We go to church because we are supposed to but we don’t want to get too involved, especially with people. “We don’t pay attention to God’s larger purpose for us as a vital part in a specific church family.” We don’t invest ourselves.
•Being critical. “Short on allegiance and quick to find fault.” Always on the hunt for something better.
For Christians, church is not optional.
Paraphrase: God’s plan for the church is beautiful and God has given his people the power to fulfill that plan.
•“The plain fact is, when we resist passion and commitment in our relationship with the church, everyone gets cheated out of God’s best.
-You cheat yourself.
-You cheat a church community.
-You cheat your world.” (p.18)
•“As we become genuinely involved in the church’s work in the world, we put ourselves in the best possible place to allow God to do His work in us.” (p.21)
•Our view of the local church may be tainted by bad experiences we’ve had. This is why we MUST view the Church from God’s perspective.
•“Before any of us can understand how to relate to the church down the street, we need to see the Church as God sees it.” (p. 31)
Why All the Books?
Right now I’m reading an excellent book by Joshua Harris (an author I absolutely love!). This past Tuesday at Small Group, I realized how much I refer to books I’ve read during our discussions. It made me think of the several Everybody Loves Raymond episodes in which Debra mentions something from a book she’s read and Ray says in his sarcastic tone, “You’re reading books again.”
I read lots of books, especially Christian literature. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them. I get so much more out of Scripture by reading these solid Christian books. I was spending some time today thinking about Christian literature and the importance of it in my life. It reminded me of conversations I’ve had with friends about the practice of using Christian literature other than the Bible to grow spiritually.
Some say that Christians shouldn’t depend so heavily on Christian literature (other than the Bible) to learn. They say the Bible is enough—that we shouldn’t need anything else. I agree that the Bible is our primary and ultimate source. We should also be careful as the Christian literature we choose to read. It must be solid—entirely based on Scripture.
What I like about books is that they dwell on a specific topic—or issue, or spiritual discipline, or area--they use all the Scripture pertaining to that particular topic, and they piece it all together for me to better understand it. Good authors apply it to real-life experiences so that I can apply it to my own life. Books serve the purpose of making Scripture more real to me. This is why I love using Christian literature.
Last night, I picked back up on where I left off several weeks ago in the book Stop Dating the Church by Joshua Harris. I spent time this morning during my quiet time taking copious notes, and today, as I’m sitting in an eighth grade classroom, I am reading even more and taking even more notes (as well as writing this blog. I promise this is during the planning period.).
I wish I had written this book. I love everything about it. It’s so simple and so full of truth. It paints the perfect picture of God’s design for the Church, as the body of believers, and the local church. I’ll probably be posting several entries after this one with all the notes I’ve taken. Of course, it would be more beneficial for those who are reading my blog to just and pick up the book and read it themselves, especially since most of my notes are direct quotes from the text. However, I hate taking all these notes and learning a great deal without having the opportunity to share what I’ve learned. Besides, I know many of you will not read the book.
I read lots of books, especially Christian literature. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them. I get so much more out of Scripture by reading these solid Christian books. I was spending some time today thinking about Christian literature and the importance of it in my life. It reminded me of conversations I’ve had with friends about the practice of using Christian literature other than the Bible to grow spiritually.
Some say that Christians shouldn’t depend so heavily on Christian literature (other than the Bible) to learn. They say the Bible is enough—that we shouldn’t need anything else. I agree that the Bible is our primary and ultimate source. We should also be careful as the Christian literature we choose to read. It must be solid—entirely based on Scripture.
What I like about books is that they dwell on a specific topic—or issue, or spiritual discipline, or area--they use all the Scripture pertaining to that particular topic, and they piece it all together for me to better understand it. Good authors apply it to real-life experiences so that I can apply it to my own life. Books serve the purpose of making Scripture more real to me. This is why I love using Christian literature.
Last night, I picked back up on where I left off several weeks ago in the book Stop Dating the Church by Joshua Harris. I spent time this morning during my quiet time taking copious notes, and today, as I’m sitting in an eighth grade classroom, I am reading even more and taking even more notes (as well as writing this blog. I promise this is during the planning period.).
I wish I had written this book. I love everything about it. It’s so simple and so full of truth. It paints the perfect picture of God’s design for the Church, as the body of believers, and the local church. I’ll probably be posting several entries after this one with all the notes I’ve taken. Of course, it would be more beneficial for those who are reading my blog to just and pick up the book and read it themselves, especially since most of my notes are direct quotes from the text. However, I hate taking all these notes and learning a great deal without having the opportunity to share what I’ve learned. Besides, I know many of you will not read the book.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
I Am Loved
God loves me!
That's what I said to Dave on the phone this morning. I've had a class this semester that has had a rather strange pace. Until Thursday of last week, my instructor only assigned a total of five assignments, each worth about 10 points. Because we needed to catch up, she posted seven new assignments--several of which were worth 50 to 100 points--with LOTS of readings. Needless to say, last Thursday evening, I had a nervous breakdown.
I knew this week would be extremely busy. What was even more strange was that I worked every day this week, which almost NEVER happens; in fact, I think this is only the third time I've worked the entire week. I wasn't complaining though. I pray every day that I will work (except Monday I did actually pray that I wouldn't get called), and I am thankful that I worked. But I did think it was odd that it happened the week I had a million and three things to do. To top it all off, I had something planned for almost every evening as well.
Surprisingly enough, after the breakdown I was fine. I remained calm and just got busy. I'm not usually good at relying on God and not getting stressed out, but this week it happened! God allowed me to have plently of time during the day while I was subbing to work on assignments. And I didn't even realize how much I had accomplished until today. Because my evenings were booked, I knew I would have to spend my entire Saturday working on homework. So that was the plan...
Until 8:45 this morning! I started on homework at 8:00 and finished at 8:45!! God is good!
While it all sounds rather silly, I am amazed at what He has done in my life this week. My lack of stress wasn't the only blessing. I have been on a spiritual high this week. (This spiritual high has actually last a few months to be honest, but this week has been extra good.) I have also felt so filled with God's love. Like mentioned in my very first post, my drives to work are great quiet times with God. I've prayed every morning that I will be filled with God's love so that in some supernatural way, it would reflect from me so that the students I worked with could feel it. For the first time ever, I actually liked all the kids I worked with! I worked with some crazy kids in a special ed class, smart aleck middle school kids with bad attitudes, poopy smelling preschoolers, and trouble makers in the library. And I left each day having had an amazing and uplifting day. I maintained a positive attitude, had a great amount of patience, and got along with all the students.
I didn't have any eye-opening experience this week. Nothing happened that was really out of the ordinary. But I hope to always remember this week and to remember that apart from God, I really believe I wouldn't have had the week I did. I wouldn't have experienced all the small blessings that came about. And in the end, I wouldn't have summed up the week's experiences by saying this: "God loves me!"
That's what I said to Dave on the phone this morning. I've had a class this semester that has had a rather strange pace. Until Thursday of last week, my instructor only assigned a total of five assignments, each worth about 10 points. Because we needed to catch up, she posted seven new assignments--several of which were worth 50 to 100 points--with LOTS of readings. Needless to say, last Thursday evening, I had a nervous breakdown.
I knew this week would be extremely busy. What was even more strange was that I worked every day this week, which almost NEVER happens; in fact, I think this is only the third time I've worked the entire week. I wasn't complaining though. I pray every day that I will work (except Monday I did actually pray that I wouldn't get called), and I am thankful that I worked. But I did think it was odd that it happened the week I had a million and three things to do. To top it all off, I had something planned for almost every evening as well.
Surprisingly enough, after the breakdown I was fine. I remained calm and just got busy. I'm not usually good at relying on God and not getting stressed out, but this week it happened! God allowed me to have plently of time during the day while I was subbing to work on assignments. And I didn't even realize how much I had accomplished until today. Because my evenings were booked, I knew I would have to spend my entire Saturday working on homework. So that was the plan...
Until 8:45 this morning! I started on homework at 8:00 and finished at 8:45!! God is good!
While it all sounds rather silly, I am amazed at what He has done in my life this week. My lack of stress wasn't the only blessing. I have been on a spiritual high this week. (This spiritual high has actually last a few months to be honest, but this week has been extra good.) I have also felt so filled with God's love. Like mentioned in my very first post, my drives to work are great quiet times with God. I've prayed every morning that I will be filled with God's love so that in some supernatural way, it would reflect from me so that the students I worked with could feel it. For the first time ever, I actually liked all the kids I worked with! I worked with some crazy kids in a special ed class, smart aleck middle school kids with bad attitudes, poopy smelling preschoolers, and trouble makers in the library. And I left each day having had an amazing and uplifting day. I maintained a positive attitude, had a great amount of patience, and got along with all the students.
I didn't have any eye-opening experience this week. Nothing happened that was really out of the ordinary. But I hope to always remember this week and to remember that apart from God, I really believe I wouldn't have had the week I did. I wouldn't have experienced all the small blessings that came about. And in the end, I wouldn't have summed up the week's experiences by saying this: "God loves me!"
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